Laid Off-Day 1

No matter what, when you get the news of being laid off, it feels like a gut punch. It hurts. It almost feels like a break up as odd as that may sound. A break up that comes out of the blue even though you thought you did everything right. A break up that you didn’t see coming because you didn’t have a chance to ‘fix things’ before it ended.

Today I’m shocked, stressed about what I’m going to do next and stuck wondering if I am good enough. How do you NOT internalize being laid off?

I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster all day long. I couldn’t contain tears, I talked to a colleague then felt better. Then I had to explain to my husband and kids what was happening. Then I realized that my intuition told me to save my money so I’m blessed enough to have a bit of time before I have to stress. Then I had to get out of myself to mentally allow it to sink in. Then I found peace. I know that the roller coaster will be something that I need to give myself space to fully experience instead of being hyper-positive or disassociating with the icky feelings as they come. This for me is a sign of major growth. Allowing myself to feel.

I’m sitting with everything and realizing that this situation has brought up a lot of trauma. The trauma of being an agency recruiter and getting that Friday afternoon call letting you know your assignment is ending that day. The trauma of working for toxic employers that you simply can’t be good enough for. But also the trauma of former issues with self-worth.

When you’re laid off and struggle with self-worth it’s the recipe for the perfect storm. Am I enough? Did I do enough? Was my work good enough? What am I going to do now? How do I avoid this situation in the future? It’s easy to get stuck in the fear of what may or may not be to come. It’s easy to waste time thinking about what could have been done differently. None of that matters.

I have never been in a room when layoffs are planned, and don’t know how those conversations go. I have no clue. Instead of assigning a narrative that is rooted in trauma, I’m choosing to assign the narrative that the leaders in the room had to make an immensely difficult decision. I actually can’t imagine having to make those decisions, therefore, I am content at this time.

I’ve been laid off before so I’m not nervous about what comes next. I’m not worried if I will find another job. I know every little ting-is gonna be alright (thank you Sir Marley). I’m actually pretty convinced that every time I’m laid off I’m being redirected to something that is even better. Every situation in my past that seemed regressive, has resulted in a level-up.

One thing I am so extremely thankful for is my amazing network. I’ve had ex co-workers reach out and ask if I need any referrals. I’ve had candidates reach out and offer their network connections. Candidates! My job in talent acquisition is to help candidates, but not my candidates-they help me too. How magical is that type of energy? <insert major gratitude energy here>

My plan for now is to spend some time on self-care since that is the first thing that goes when I get busy. I’m going to spend some time with the kids since they’re off of school right now for the summer. I’m going to sit still (not my strength in life) and really evaluate what I want to do next that will bring me joy. Yoga. Meditations. Podcast episodes? Maybe some more blog posts because this outlet feels good for now. We shall see.

Oh yeah-and write a dissertation.

Hakuna Matata

With love and light….

-Cyn